i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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