you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
