nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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