I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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