Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
