I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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