After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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