I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
