capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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