I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
