girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
