so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
