your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
