I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
