And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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