paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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