So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
