Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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