Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
