my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
