I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
