I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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