I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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