I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
