yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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