Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
