You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
