When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
