Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
