Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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