I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
