at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize