party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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