Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
