i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
