So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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