____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's a naked man in my car right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
