Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He felt like a one man threesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
