erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
