His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Randomize