Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
