I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
