I puked a lego.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
