I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
