why didn't you poke me back
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
