Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
