would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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