when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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