Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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