For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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