How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
