hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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