the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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