I feel like abortions should bother me more
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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