there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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