Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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