im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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