Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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