did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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