This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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