Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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