haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
