Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
