Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
