Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize