I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
