this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
