so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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